Or something like that.
There has been a lot of talk lately of woman yelling from the rooftops (or their laptops) that they’re in love with their bodies – just.as.they.are!
Meaning – they’ve had a kid, or 2, or 5 – their bodies are marked up, scared, and stretch marked (stretch marks = tiger stripes, see now where I was going with that) and they love their bodies just as they are! After all, they did create life, once, or twice or 5 times, you have every right to love yourself just exactly as you are, and really what is important in life is that YOU’RE ok with YOU!
With all of this said………..I myself am NOT extremely proud of my post-partum body. When I say I’m not proud of it I am NOT saying I am grossed out by myself!! I am most definitely NOT considering throwing up after every meal or starving myself (both of which are serious health conditions and I am not ridiculing at all, just stating that I love food way too much to consider either of these methods of weight loss).
What I AM saying is that I choose to NOT wear a bikini this summer, I am OK with a one piece swimsuit, which I’ll likely wear a tank top and ‘swim shorts’ over if I venture out to some public swimming location, but if I’m at home in the kiddy pool with Gradie, you bet I’ll be in there with her in just my swimsuit, soaking up every minute and every memory.
This brings me to the reason I am not at my pre-pregnancy size or shape. I’ll be the first to admit to anyone reading this that a part of the reason is that I am lazy! BUT – I do have a couple reasons for being lazy! (Yes I said reasons, I suppose you could call it justifying my laziness, which, yeah whatever).
I work full time, sometimes more than full time, I get to spend the mornings, 45 minutes max, with Gradie, I pick her up between 530 and 6pm. We don’t get home until at least 630pm. That leaves me/us with roughly 2 hours to enjoy her, to play with her, to make memories with her, oh and to feed and bath her too. Excuse me for not wanting to go to the gym and leaving her at another ‘daycare/babysitter’ while I do so.
YES – I could go to the gym before she wakes up, however, if you know me, you know that isn’t happening, I am NOT a morning person, and at 35 years young, I know I never will be!! I could go to gym after she’s in bed, I repeat I could, but in reality after Gradie is asleep I am exhausted, and then there is blogging………..I blog, here (seldom) and at Africa’s Blog, much more often. This takes time, a lot of it, probably TOO much time, and I won’t do any blogging while Gradie is still awake.
SO – at the end of the day, there are times I could go to the gym, get on my bicycle (I have 2 hanging in my garage for the past at least 5 years), go running (ok that’s a lie, I wouldn’t run unless I was being chased), or any other number of ways I could get into better shape. BUT I chose not to, not right now, I choose to spend my time with my little family, I choose to make memories, I choose to be present as much as possible so that my daughter remembers me, remembers us, remembers her childhood being a blast, complete with dance parties, walks to the park and ridiculous times flailing around in her little splash pool.
I thought I had everything figured out, this ‘mommyhood’ thing, this being a working mom thing. I thought wrong!! While I know there are working moms out there with more than one child, that are in great shape and rocking out in their bikinis this summer, but that’s not me, not right now.
I am OK with that
I am OK with my body, just.as.I.am
I will lose weight and get back into shape, I haven’t given up this ‘fight’, I do not concede, I do not wave the white flag of surrender, I have no intention of simply gaining weight, in fact I haven’t ‘gained’ weight since having Gradie, I’m just not down to my pre-pregnancy weight. Things don’t sit exactly where they used to, I have marks, and I have ‘tiger stripes’ and heaven knows once this breastfeeding journey ends (if it ever does) my boobs likely won’t be in the same place they used to be.
AND – I am OK with my body, just.as.I.am
However, just because I am OK with my post-pregnancy body, I choose not to display it in a sports bra photo shoot in this post, or in a bikini this summer, not now. I said I am not proud of my post-pregnancy body, let me clarify, I am extremely proud of what my body did, the life my body created, and what my body continues to do to provide for that life but I am just not yet ready to put that body on display for all others, I feel more comfortable remaining a little more covered up and because this is me, this is my life, I am OK with my body, just.as.I.am.
Power to all the woman who are showing off their scars, their ‘new’ bodies, I am proud of you for your bravery, and I’m proud of me, for saying it is OK to not be back to my pre-pregnancy weight – YET – to live in the now, to accept that I have created life and to make that life my #1 concern, I’ll work out, I’ll get to it, just let me enjoy HER, while she’s little, while she’s growing and becoming the wonderful little girl I know she will.